Grateful and gracious
Dear Annie: Our best friend’s son just got married in July. We gave them a generous check as a gift at the beginning of June when we saw the son and his fiancee at dinner. We were not going to be attending the wedding later in the month due to a prior engagement.
The thing is, we have never received a thank-you note, text or email. Should we mention this lack of a thank-you to our best friend or his son, or should we just forget about it? — Manners Monitor
Dear Manners Monitor: The best test of good manners is patience with the bad ones. You’re absolutely correct that it’s rude that they’ve not sent a thank-you; however, it would also be rude for you to bring this up. Take a deep breath and be glad for your own graciousness.
Dear Annie: I am compelled to write in response to “Are You Listening,” regarding her frustration that her husband doesn’t seem to want to talk with her.
My husband suffered from hearing loss, which became progressively worse as the years rolled by. Eventually, his hearing deteriorated to the category of “profound hearing loss.”
As for echoing something that was said, in a person with impaired hearing there is a lag time between what the ear hears and when the brain processes the sound. Thus the afflicted person is reaffirming what had been said. And I’m willing to bet that when her husband seems to ignore her speaking in the car, this is because he truly can’t hear her.
One helpful thing I learned was that if I changed the pitch and tone of my voice and spoke slowly and clearly my husband could understand more of what I said. Even with his more powerful aids, when I wanted to speak to him, I had to touch his arm to alert him that I wanted to say something.
I strongly advise “Are You Listening” and her husband have a thorough hearing evaluation performed by a doctor of audiology who will help her understand the challenges of living with this disability. I think they will be surprised at the extent of hubby’s hearing loss. A well-trained HIS (hearing instrument specialist) or HAS (hearing aid specialist) would be the second part of the equation. The third part is that both husband and wife need to be patient with each other. — Been There, Done That
Dear Been There: Experience is the best teacher. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us.
Dear Annie: The question put forth in your column about parents having to support their adult children brought to mind something someone told me before our daughter (now 50 years old) was born. It was simply this: One of the worst things parents can do is raise their children believing money grows on trees.
I’ve seen it so many times; parents who didn’t have much growing up will struggle and sacrifice to spoil their children. But then the outcome usually isn’t good.
It bothered me when our daughter was growing up that we couldn’t afford to give her some of the expensive things her friends got from their parents, but she seemed to understand. And we could not be more proud of the woman she is today. She is a hard worker, is totally independent, never asks for anything and manages her time and resources beautifully. At birthdays and Christmas, she’ll always tell us not to spend money on her or her husband. — Ann D. in Shreveport, Louisiana
Dear Ann: You and your husband should be proud indeed. Congratulations on raising such a selfless, independent young woman. Thanks for reading and for writing.