Dear Annie: Not loving the likes

Dear Annie: My boyfriend follows more than 3,000 people on Instagram. And almost all of them are women. It didn’t bother me when we first started dating, because I figured that now that he had a girlfriend, he’d stop investing so much time in looking at women.

A few months into our relationship, he was showing me something on his profile when I caught a glimpse of a notification indicating that he had commented on a girl’s photo. I asked him about it. He tried to play it off. Of course, I remembered the girl’s username and looked up her profile. I was surprised to see that he had “liked” and commented on a lot of her pics. And he said some flirty things to her are things that he also said to me.

I confronted him. I said that I get it: Men look at women. I mean, hello — it’s Instagram. And I even said it wouldn’t bother me if he just “liked” their photos. But to comment with a bunch of flirtatious emojis is disrespectful. It makes me look like a fool because these women know that we’re dating. So, he said that he’d stop.

However, in March, it came to my attention that he again was commenting on a lot of women’s pictures. I told him I thought he understood where I was coming from. His excuses are that he’s not going out to cheat; he’s not sending them private messages; it’s not a big deal because it’s online; and that, in real life, he’s with me. But I told him he’s missing the point. I told him the fact that he knows it bothers me yet he keeps doing it means he’s disregarding my feelings and just doesn’t care. Can I get your advice, please? — Disliking It

Dear Disliking: You’re asking for so little, and he’s giving you even less.

Your assessment of the problem is spot-on: It’s not even his behavior on Instagram, per se. It’s that you told him how you feel about it, and he’s disregarding that.

Reiterate to him again that you feel hurt when he flirts with other women on Instagram, and it would mean a lot to you if he would stop. If he persists after that point, then he’s not going to change anytime soon, and you have to decide whether you can live with his behavior.


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