Lack of long-distance trust
Dear Annie: About six months ago, my boyfriend, “Jordan,” relocated to another state for work. We’ve talked about my eventually moving there, too, so we could be together, but we’ve held off making firm plans. He says he needs more time to settle in to life there. He also says he wants to be positive he sees himself at this job long term before I uproot my life, too.
He visited twice within the first month after moving, but in the past five months, he’s visited only once. I went out there once a couple of months ago. We do talk on the phone or video chat every other day, which helps.
The reason I’m writing is this. A friend of mine was recently in Jordan’s town for work. She is single and uses a dating app that shows people within a few-mile radius. While she was on her trip, she was scrolling through profiles, when she came across Jordan and recognized him. (She’s never met him in real life, but she’d seen photos of us.) She sent me a screenshot. I was shocked. I asked her to connect with him on the app to see what he said. He messaged her back almost immediately — but not because he recognized her as a friend of mine. He thought she was just a random woman, and he started chatting her up and asking what she was up to.
Devastated, I called him immediately and asked for an explanation. He said that he was just using the app to make friends and that if it made me uncomfortable, he would delete his account. I told him I thought that was a good idea. I’m wondering whether I’d be a fool to trust this man again. — Fooled Once
Dear Fooled Once: You know the saying, so I won’t remind you of the rest. Don’t give Jordan another chance to break your trust. That dating app is not meant for making friends, and this man is not meant for you. As soon as you accept that, you’ll be one step closer to finding someone who is.
Dear Annie: My father recently passed away. He had friends and acquaintances whom I did not know. Many came to his wake and left Mass cards not from his church. The problem is that the majority did not put a return address on the card or envelope. I have no way of thanking these people now and feel bad about this. Please inform your readers that if they would like a thank-you for a kind gesture such as this, they should attach a return address label so the family of the deceased can know where to send it. — Grieving in Upstate NY
Dear Grieving: I am so sorry for your loss. Your plea is duly noted, though it sounds as though your father’s friends simply wanted to honor him and cared little about the acknowledgment — a sign of what good company he kept.