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By Nature, I'm a pessimist. A fairly extreme pessimist, to be honest. My glass is always half empty. The world is a bleak and bad place. I always expect the worst of the worst. The two mottos I live by are "There is always something" and "It can always be worse." Over and over again, life has proven both of my mottos to be truer than true. I can always count on some crisis interrupting my strongly desired peace, and when I think I'm already going through the worst possible scenario, I can be sure something even worse will pop up shortly.
My husband Rick is the complete opposite of me. He is an optimist like no one else I know. His glass is always full. His world is bright and colorful. He never experiences a true crisis. Every morning, the curtain opens up to some new adventure he embarks upon. If you ask me, he is one of Fortuna's favorites. Indeed, it seems as if the Roman goddess of fortune has nothing better to do than watch over him. She takes care of him as she takes care of Gladstone Gander, Donald Duck's cousin. Gladstone is so ridiculously lucky he constantly wins cars, refrigerators, TVs, money, vacations, you name it. While Rick doesn't win prizes like Gladstone, things always work out for him, too, even though it doesn't seem so at first glance. He lost his glasses when hiking the Camino, the famous pilgrimage route in Spain this past summer. He called me up and was very frustrated about losing them, only to have some kind soul find the glasses on the trail who then just happened to drop them off at the very hostel where Rick had reserved a bed for the night. What were the odds? Rick also lost his glasses in a London hostel many years ago. But again, no problem. When he returned to London weeks later, the glasses were still patiently waiting for him at that hostel. Wouldn't you call that outrageously lucky? I find it almost unfair how much Fortuna likes him. From an objective point of view, however, he probably isn't any luckier than me. It probably is just a matter of what I focus my attention on.
Pessimists like me tend to single out and remember negative experiences rather than positive ones. I also tend to heavily blame myself for each mistake I make. And when I do something right, I'll attribute it to circumstances. I also trust criticism more than compliments. I find this really fascinating because my behavior is the complete opposite of what optimists do. Rick remembers the happy things in life much more than the negative ones, pushing negative thoughts away and dwelling on everything positive. He is open to praise and takes credit for his accomplishments, while blaming circumstances when screwing things up. Because he has such a positive attitude and I have such a negative one, we both see the exact same world with very different eyes.
Some people believe in objective truth. Other people don't. I belong to those who believe the realty we see is one's own construct rather than an objective reality that is the same for everyone.
I believe this because we are limited by our physical abilities. The human ear and eye, for example, cannot perceive ultrasound or infrared waves, whereas bats, dolphins, insects, elephants, bees, bumblebees and snakes use them to communicate. And because they can perceive these waves, their reality automatically differs from ours. In addition to these physical restrictions, our minds constantly try to make sense of the world we live in. As there's nothing worse for our minds than not knowing, we take all the clues we can find and interpret them based on our experience and values, thus constructing our own, individual reality.
According the Austrian-American philosopher and psychotherapist Paul Watzlawick (1921-2007), there is no objective, unchangeable truth. Rather, truth is a construct and depends on how we each interpret what we see and experience. We all think our own individual truth is the only truth and conclude whoever doesn't agree with us must be crazy. I believe Rick is crazy. He has this illusion life is -- to use a German expression -- "ein Ponyhof," meaning "a pony farm." Life, however, isn't as tranquil and idyllic as the "Ponyhof" image conveys, but messy, rough and a constant struggle. While Rick sees the beauty, joy and peace in this world, I see its ugliness, suffering and pain. Which of the two perspectives is closer to reality? I don't know. I like to believe mine is because I believe to see things the way they really are, without those rose-colored glasses Rick likes to wear. I have to acknowledge though that his positive attitude certainly makes life a whole lot easier for him.
Watzlawick believes conflicts between spouses arise because they interpret the same situation differently. He suggests such conflicts can be resolved by helping his patients look at the situation from a different perspective, thus reconstructing their own realities. Watzlawick's approach makes me think I, too, need to reconstruct my reality. Yes, life is messy and rough. Yet a healthy dose of Rick's optimism would allow me to acknowledge that we can indeed find great beauty and joy in this world if we just dare to look.
Dr. Daniela Ribitsch, a native of Austria, is a resident of Lock Haven.