Dear Annie: I never thought I would write to an advice column about this, but I am genuinely torn.

I am a 34-year-old woman with two dogs, Bella and Murphy. They are both rescues and have been with me through a breakup, a move and the death of my dad. I joke that they are my “first kids,” but there is a lot of truth in that. My evenings are built around walks, snuggling on the couch and muddy paw prints by the door.

Six months ago, I started dating a wonderful man I will call “Evan.” He is kind, funny, responsible and treats me with real care. I can see a future with him. The problem is that he does not like dogs. At all. He is not allergic. He just finds them messy, loud and “too much.” He is polite around Bella and Murphy, but he clearly dislikes having them in the house and has hinted that he could never live with dogs full time.

I feel like my heart is being pulled in two directions. I love this man, but I also love my dogs and cannot imagine giving them up.

Am I foolish to think this relationship can work, or is there a way to build a life where I do not have to choose between the person I love and the dogs who have loved me all along? — Caught Between Paws and Partners

Dear Caught: You’re not being silly. You’re facing a very real compatibility issue. Dogs aren’t throw pillows. They’re family.

Bella and Murphy were there before Evan. They’re part of your daily life and your heart. Anyone who wants a future with you has to at least respect that bond. Ann Landers might say that if a man cannot share a couch with your dog, he doesn’t deserve a front-row seat in your life.

Have a clear talk with him. Tell him the dogs are staying and ask what he would need to feel more comfortable. If he can bend, you may have something to build on. If he expects you to give them up, then he has already given you your answer.

Dear Annie: I never thought I’d be the kind of person who snoops, but last week I did something I can’t stop thinking about. My husband left his laptop open on the kitchen counter, and an email popped up with the subject line: “Can’t wait to see you again.” I clicked. It wasn’t explicit, but it was affectionate enough to make my stomach drop.

Here’s the twist: The messages were with his high school girlfriend, who recently moved back to town after a divorce. They were reminiscing, joking, calling each other “old favorites.” He wrote, “Being with you feels like exhaling.” Meanwhile, he’s been distant with me and quick to irritate, like I’m always one question away from a fight.

We’ve been married 18 years. We have kids. We have a life. Am I overreacting to nostalgia, or underreacting to a warning sign? How do I bring this up without sounding paranoid — or pathetic? — Losing My Breath

Dear Losing My Breath: Nostalgia is a powerful perfume, and it can make people forget they’re already standing in a perfectly good room. The email may not prove an affair, but it does prove a boundary problem, and it becomes a marriage problem if he’s exhaling with her and snapping at you.

Don’t interrogate him. Invite honesty. Tell him what you saw, how it made you feel and what you need going forward: transparency, limits and real attention at home. If he gets defensive, suggest counseling. A faithful spouse doesn’t need a secret pen pal.