Trending
Dear Annie: My husband retired last year after 40 years as an engineer, and we finally started planning the life we'd been talking about for decades: travel, hobbies, quality time together.
But three months after he retired, he accepted a series of offers for "small consulting projects." He accepted without checking with me, and since then, it's been a series of "just one more" promises. He finally left his full-time job, but he's working as much as ever.
We've already had to postpone a trip because of his shifting availability, and I'm starting to wonder if he actually wants to retire at all. When I bring it up, he insists he's doing it for extra spending money, but we don't need it. I feel like I'm waiting for quality time with my husband that keeps getting rescheduled. -- Still Waiting
Dear Still Waiting: It sounds like your husband misses the feeling of being needed more than he misses the paycheck. Luckily, consulting gives him the freedom a full-time job never did.
He doesn't need to stop working entirely for you both to be satisfied. Ask him to pencil your time in first, before the client's. Block the trip dates, then let him fit projects around them instead of the reverse. A man who can set his own hours has no excuse for missing out on quality time with his wife.
Dear Annie: I have a 75-year-old female friend. We live in different cities. For years, we've kept in touch, messaged daily, and sent gifts, candy and flowers for birthdays and Christmas, etc. I'm a widow, and she's been encouraging and supportive. I value her friendship.
About a month ago, I messaged to inquire about her family. She didn't reply. This week, I messaged asking about her elderly mother, her husband and her 6-month-old great-niece. To date, I haven't heard back. It's very unusual for her not to respond. I don't want to be a bother or a nuisance, but she's active on Facebook.
Should I try messaging her again or wait to give her a chance to get back in touch? I don't want to embarrass her or make her uncomfortable if she doesn't want to stay in touch with me for some reason or doesn't want to verbalize her feelings. As far as I know, I haven't done anything to offend her in any way. -- Left Wondering
Dear Left Wondering: There could be any number of reasons she hasn't responded. Maybe she's distracted by family matters or struggling with a health issue. Or yes, she might be deliberately stepping away from the friendship. There's no way to know for sure unless she tells you.
Reach out once more, but make it about her rather than her family, and try calling instead of texting. Tell her you've noticed she's been quiet, you hope she's OK and you'd love to hear from her. Then leave the ball in her court.
You've made it clear that you care and that the door is open. As hard as the uncertainty may be, the next move has to be hers.