Dear Annie: My husband and I are raising a surprise baby at a stage in life when we thought our child-rearing years were mostly behind us. Our older children are already teenagers and young adults, and while we adore this little one, I would be lying if I said the large age gap has not brought some unexpected emotions with it.

On one hand, this baby is deeply loved and has brought joy to our whole family. On the other, I sometimes worry that he will grow up feeling more like an only child than part of a sibling group. By the time he is old enough to really know his brothers and sisters, they may be off at college, building careers or starting families of their own. I worry he will miss out on the closeness and shared experiences that the older kids had with one another.

There is also a strange emotional divide in the house. My older children are loving, but they are naturally in a completely different phase of life. While I am packing diapers and planning pediatrician visits, they are talking about driving, dating, jobs and the future. Some days I feel as though I am living in two different worlds at once.

People often say, “How wonderful, built-in babysitters!” but I do not want my older children to feel burdened, and I do not want my youngest to feel like he came along after the family story was already written.

How can I help my youngest feel fully connected in a family where the age gap between siblings is so wide, and how do I stop worrying that he will always feel a little left behind? — Starting Over With Love

Dear Starting Over: A big age gap does not have to mean a big emotional gap. What children remember most is not matching birthdays or life stages. It is whether they felt loved, included and wanted.

Your youngest is not an afterthought. He is part of the family’s continuing story. Let the older siblings be siblings, not spare parents, and trust that connection can grow in its own way.

Families do not have to look alike to be close.

Dear Annie: My sister and I have always been close, but ever since she retired, she has become far more involved in everyone else’s lives than anyone asked her to be. She comments on how I run my house, what my children should be doing and even what I ought to say to my husband during disagreements. If I push back, she says she is “only trying to help” and acts hurt, as though I am ungrateful.

I know she means well, but her constant opinions are exhausting. I have started screening her calls because I do not have the energy for another lecture disguised as concern. At the same time, I do not want to damage our relationship, because I do love her and know she has been there for me through difficult times.

How do I tell someone I love that their “help” feels more like control? — Smothered by Sisterly Love

Dear Smothered: Your sister may be calling it help, but if it leaves you feeling managed instead of supported, then it is time for a gentle boundary. Love does not require unlimited access to your decisions.

Tell her kindly that you value her concern, but you need less advice and more trust. She may be hurt for a moment, but better a brief sting than a lasting resentment.

Families stay closer when everyone minds their own garden a little more.