Dear Annie: My dad is turning 73 next month, and my mom is throwing this big party for him. She is begging me to come, but my parents live across the country — a six-hour plane ride. I work full time and have two kids under 5. My family only takes a trip like this once or twice a year, and if I’m really honest with myself, I don’t want to spend it on this family party.

At the same time, I know they’ll be disappointed if I say no. I feel guilty but also spread thin. How do I decide? — Torn Daughter

Dear Torn Daughter: There’s no perfect answer, only the one you can live with. If you don’t go, find another way to show up — call, FaceTime or Zoom to celebrate from afar or schedule another visit. If you do, don’t bring any resentment.

Either way, choose it, and then move on.

Dear Annie: I’m in a dilemma. I’ve had a friend for 45 years, and I’ve just realized how selfish he is. It’s a one-way street with him.

He won’t call me or make the effort to visit. I have, in the past, introduced him to friends of mine — some he’s even gone on holiday with — but he’s never returned the favor. He hasn’t introduced me to his friends, nor has he asked me to accompany him on trips to see our mutual friend when I could’ve gone.

He’s the last one to buy a round of drinks, if he buys one at all, though he’s the richest among our friends by far. He’ll mention he’d like to go on day trips with another mutual friend but never puts any effort into actually organizing them.

When I suggested we share the driving on one of these trips, he stormed off, even though he knows I tire easily and it was his idea to travel by car.

A mutual friend has suggested I simply go on day trips without him. It feels a bit sly, but if he does come along, I know I’ll be the one making all the effort.

Should I talk to him, ignore him or play him at his own game? — Taken for a Ride

Dear Taken: A decades-long friendship doesn’t excuse this man’s behavior. You deserve to invest your time and energy in people who return it.

You’ve already seen the pattern, and it’s unlikely to change. A conversation might clear the air, but it probably won’t transform him. Instead of playing games or quietly hoping he’ll step up, shift your focus to the friends who already show up for you.

And go on those day trips. It isn’t sly to live your life freely; you’re simply choosing the people and things that fill your cup.